Embarrassing moment: My First Declaration of Love

2013/04/23 17:12 PM

I’m here listening to Mozart and writing this blog post with a very nostalgic feeling along with a mild headache. The last couple of days have been nerve wrenching as I have been staring at the computer screen more than 12 hours a day. Trust me, you don’t wanna work on the computer for that long for a work that you don’t particularly fancy. I have taken a printing and designing job from a firm and there was a lot of work. I finished it FINALLY and have a nice dark evening (load shedding!), and this is the first time I am actually happy that the power has gone. I don’t know why I am telling you this but I wanted to share a few laughs with you good folks. This has to be one of the most embarrassing events in my childhood.

You guys must have had some such incidents in your life when you wanted to lock yourself in a room and never get out for 1000 years. Well this is a similar one but not of epic proportion. It’s not like I pissed my pants while giving speech with hundreds of eyes on me. It’s more personal and a very few people know this. Ok guys I’m not gonna waste your and my time boring you with the story’s premise. Let’s just dive into the story.

It happened when I was in class 9/10. (I don’t remember!). I liked this girl at school. Let’s call her ‘Juno ‘. She was the rudest and cutest girl in class (at least I thought so). We were good friends though. My crush on her had gone for a few months now. I had a fight with her on the first day we’d met. (Can you believe it?) She even complained about it to the teacher. And still I was mad about her. As all helpless teenage boys do, I started treating her like a princess, talking to her with extra tenderness, helping her at every chance I got, taking quick glances at her from the corner of my eye. I even used to sit behind her and stare and think how good it must feel when her hair would touch my face. Of course I didn't sit with her. (I was a nervous wreck). I even made a postcard and gave it to her on her birthday. (Right? How cheesy is that? You must be pretty sure about what must have happened but still I’ll tell you).

It was the last day of our exam. The day that I wish had never happened. I had finished my exam and was celebrating ‘independence day’ with my friends when Santosh, my (genius) friend suggested that I should propose her when he saw her getting out of school. (Ok now people from outside Nepal, please note that in here we don’t date first, get to know each other and then say the L-word. We say it first and date later. Can you believe it?) I told him to stop her and took a couple of minutes to compose myself. I took a long breath and sighed. (I was so nervous that I was shaking like I was dropped in the middle of Antarctica in my underwear.) My heart was pumping so fast that it hurt. My blood cells must be cursing me till now for making them run so fast that day. Santosh came back and informed me that she was waiting for me a little away from school.

I was ready and already day dreaming the moment she would say yes and I would have that victorious dumb smile on my face. (Oh god, I wish that someone had stopped me right there.) I ran to her (literally!). The road was so dusty that I was leaving flying dust behind me. I was so nervous that while running I must have looked like the skinny albino brother of King Kong whose face was as crimson as his arse. I skidded to a halt in front of her a good 2 meters away. (What was I afraid of? That she would kick me in the groin?). And then I just froze and stared at her. She wanted it to be over soon so she asked sharply- “What?”(She made that distorted face somewhere between pain, anger and disgust which unnerved me and I grew agitated and eventually angry.)

I ended up saying this in the pathetic voice mixed with nervousness, stress and amazing speed.

“I love you! Yes or no?” (WHAT? Idiot! Dumb-ass! What did I just say? That wasn’t even a yes/no question. Hell, that wasn’t even a question.)

She didn’t understand. (Of course the idiot who said that said it so fast.)

She said with confusion- “What?”

I translated it- “Ma timilai maya garchu. Yes ki no?” I think I said that in such a voice that could even scare John Rambo. She looked at the sky as if thinking did a long umm…….. And said “Hyaa……. NO!” I was devastated, hurt and angry and said- ‘Malai Baal!’ or in English ‘whatever ‘with a cocky voice and dismissed her. (Can you believe this guy? I don’t even know this guy. I swear.) I dismissed her? What the hell? What an ego I had back then? No wonder I never had a girlfriend at school. Who on earth (or any planet for that matter) proposes like that?

Do you know how everyone has this regret about a crush (or relation) that didn't work out as planned and you always know deep down that you two were perfectly compatible for some reason but that will never happen? Well my crush on this girl was of that category. I don’t know if she feels\felt that way about me, (Which I doubt seriously after threatening her with my undying love). Once Juno’s best friends told me that she talked about me and said that she would have accepted it, had I been a little (or a lot) more polite and asked. I don’t know if that’s the truth or they said that to me just to make me feel good. I tried afterwards to talk to her but she shut me off completely always ran away from me. So we never worked. She still doesn't talk when we see each other occasionally on the way. She is the only friend I have who doesn't talk to me. It ended sadly but gave me and my friends a good thing to laugh about when the subject surfaces. And I flash an embarrassed smile and remember her silky hair and the honest eyes hidden by her rude manners and think “If only”.