My unfortunate Life--- THE BIRTH

THE BIRTH

My life has been a curious collection of odd misfortunate events. It all started as soon as I was born. My mother told me all about the incident in detail which I’m paraphrasing here. I am happy that I didn't start destroying things inside my mother’s belly by trying to break out faster than other kids do.

                My mother’s water broke one fine morning when she was happily preparing to warm her belly with fire. She was kindling fire on the little ceramic fire pot when she felt it. She called my father who was shaving and notched his chin in surprise. He was half shaven and had a cut but he loved mother so much (which my mother said many times while telling me this story) that he didn't care about any of it and rushed mother to the hospital. My mother was crying and wailing all the time but oddly the nurses at the hospital told her that she was a very brave woman and was handling it better than any other mothers who had delivered there. I guess they said this to make her feel good. I bet they say this to everyone. She was positioned at the bed and all the doctors and nurses and helpers were trying hard to cool down my mother and deliver a baby at the same time.  My father was standing outside restless and my grandmother had just arrived with a vile of Ghee. She wanted ghee to be the first thing that I tasted (Lucky bastard).

When it was time, the doctor told my mother to push hard which she did and I was supposed to come out covered in slime which I was and I was supposed to cry which unfortunately I didn't  The doctor held me up high and slapped my ass. I didn't cry. He tried again. It didn't work. Then he held me in one hand right in front of his face and pinched my ass. Mother told me that it was a very funny and sad moment when I cried and kicked hard and the two fingers of my right foot shot right up and entered the old doctor’s nose. He stumbled backwards about to fall when fortunately for me some nurse caught me but the poor old doctor landed flat on his ass. Mother told me that it took her all her might to not laugh in front of the doctor.

I cried for the next five minutes. The doctor must have been thinking- ‘Why the hell is this little son-of-a-bitch crying? I’m the one who has a sore bottom.’ Then everything went as expected. A nurse told my father that it was a boy. Mother was content with the good news. My father was so happy for having a son as his first child that he literally danced in front of fifty people at the hospital. My grandma was the happiest as our family would continue with the birth of a son. She made me taste the ghee with tears in her eyes. Everyone was congratulating my parents who were totally unaware of what was coming.

So, there is my first encounter with the world when I kicked the crap out of a poor old doctor.

Note: This is a fictional story and any resemblance to anyone's life is very unfortunate and I don't really care. But its fiction anyway.  I know there are a lot of mistakes in this and I have to improve. This is not my best piece of work. If this gets a good response, I'm thinking about expanding it. Please comment on the post as your opinion is the most valuable thing to me.